Seriously, how is my little girl in kindergarten? Well for starters, kindergarten in Germany is actually preschool. In Germany, schooling is taken seriously. Before the age of 3, kids go to Kita (daycare) or a Tagesmutter (day mother) if their parents work or need child care. Kindergarten or preschool begins at 3. Once the child is 3 years old, they have to be accepted into a preschool somewhere within city limits and if you are lucky, near your home. At the age of 6, kids go to regular school. Oh, and homeschooling is illegal. (Crazy to think about in the time of Covid-19 where families in the US who have never thought of homeschooling before are potentially choosing that option to keep their kiddos safe).
Our town has a system where every child is given a Kinderbetreuungspass (childcare pass) number. Parents register their child into a childcare system and apply for different kindergartens. Carson was luckily accepted into a preschool near our home, about a 10 minute walk. Her best friend also goes to the same school.
So excited for her first day!
Carson started school back in August. What is different between the American schooling system and the German schooling system is a phase known as the “settling in” phase. From my experience as a teacher in the US, parents drop their children off at school on the first day of school in the morning and pick them up at the end of the school day. Yes, there are tears (by both parents and kiddos) but its more of a jump with both feet into the deep end approach. In Germany, its a weeks long process to get the children ready and comfortable with going to school a full day. More of a dip your toe in the water and gradually walk until the water gets deeper and deeper approach. By week two the water has reached your knee caps and by week three its at your waist.
Minnie backpack & bunny, she’s ready to go.
Just to give you an idea of what the “settling in” phase looks like, everyday week one, the parent and child experience the classroom for one hour. The child is allowed to explore and play while the parent sits off to the side. Throughout the “settling in” phase the parent is only to interact with the child if and when the child interacts with the parent. Week two, the child and parent go into the classroom for two hours. If the child seems comfortable, the parent leaves/waits outside for the last 15-30 minutes. The length of time is dependent on how comfortable the child is and whether the child can be comforted by an adult other then their parent. Week three, the child goes to school for about half a day. For Carson, this meant that she was dropped off in the morning and I picked her up right after lunch. Week four, the child goes to school for the entire day but the parent is a quick phone call away.
Yes, this is a long process. However, I found it particularly helpful. I do not speak German and Carson does not speak German. I am also very used to the American school system and knew very little to nothing of the German school system. It was nice to be in the classroom to experience circle time, play groups, toilet breaks, and interactions between Carson and classmates/teachers. Since her “settling in” phase was during a global pandemic, only one new parent/student combo were allowed in the classroom at a time (and with a mask, of course). In normal, non-pandemic times, 3-4 new students and their parents would be in the classroom at the same time.
Carson has been in kindergarten for about four months already! Wow, where has the time gone? After a month of Carson going to kindergarten regularly, I met with her teacher to check in on her progress. It was a 30 min parent/teacher conference where Carson’s teacher informed me that Carson loves all things school related, especially circle time and singing. She said that Carson has many friends and while they may not speak the same language it hasn’t stopped them from communicating and playing all day.
Carson prefers to walk to and from school. No more stroller. Such a big girl.
Back in September when we found out I was pregnant, we never would have guessed that we would be bringing a baby into this world during a global pandemic. We announced the soon-to-be arrival of baby Grimm #2 in cute ways and our biggest concern was that he arrived healthy, 10 fingers and 10 toes.
Oktoberfest baby announcement.
Gender reveal for baby Grimm #2.
Except for the fact that I was extremely tired and taking care of a toddler, life continued as normal. I was still meeting friends daily at the gym, walking everywhere to run errands, and we were still traveling the world as a family. I was able to find a wonderful OB/GYN within walking distance from our house. There were some differences in prenatal care but for the most part, everything was the same.
It was important for Jeff and me to have a babymoon, like we did when pregnant with Carson. One last trip where we were a party of 3. We had originally planned to visit Dubai and Abu Dhabi in the United Arab Emirates but due to political turmoil (aka the US killing an Iranian general therefore creating instability in the region making Americans unwelcome) we decided to head to Tenerife in the Canary Islands. It was a wonderful week on holiday with tons of sun and pool time!
Babymoon in Tenefire, Spain
Babymoon in Tenerife, Spain with Baby #2
Then COVID-19 hit and spread like wildfire. Flights were grounded, borders were closed, and social life looked a lot different.
March 24, 2020 (email to friends): First, yes, we are doing well. Germany has some pretty strict rules in place such as “no more than 2 people can be together at any given time unless you are a family”. But much like Illinois all non-essential stores are closed and residents are being asked to stay in their homes as much as possible. Borders from Germany to most neighboring countries have been closed but that was mostly because countries with stricter rules were coming into Germany to panic buy supplies. Speaking of supplies, I never thought I’d be so happy to find things like flour, pasta, and toilet paper in the stores! Granted our grocery stores are about the size of a small Walgreens but I’ll take what I can get…when I can get it 🙂 For the past 2 weeks, Jeff has been the one to run the errands. The culture here is that you go to the store every day or every other day because living spaces are much smaller then what we are used to in the US. For example, our freezer is the size of a dorm room fridge…seriously.
The biggest challenge for us has been Jeff working from home. He is able to get his work done but Carson is so excited “dada” is home that she will call for him until he responds to her. Some of our friends from Australia were sent home from this project because Australia has closed its borders and no one knows when they will reopen again. When our friends landed, they had to sign a contract with the government saying that they would self-quarantine in one place for the full 2 weeks or face a $50,000 fine! Yikes!
Second, we have scheduled the C-Section of baby boy Grimm for Tuesday, April 7. My OB/GYN is calling Carson’s birth a traumatic birth so it has been fairly easy to schedule. It is preferable for women to have a natural birth here in Germany and they are hesitant to schedule a C-Section without a pre-existing condition such as a traumatic birth. Weird thing in Germany is that it is extremely rare for the doctors to practice in their own office and in the hospital like in the states. In other words, who I have been seeing for prenatal care is not the person who will deliver Baby Grimm at the hospital. I will have a completely different team, one that exclusively works at the hospital in deliveries. Additionally, since we have private insurance the head of the Labor & Delivery department will be the one to do the delivery. We’ve met her twice now and she is wonderful and speaks very good English.
In other news, I will also be helping with the birth*. After the incisions have been made, they drop the curtain and I will push from the top of my abdomen. I was already reassured that there would be no blood sighting and that its really cool. This is one of the only hospitals in the world to do C-Sections this way. They think it helps the mom bond with the baby because she get to help. We’ll see… However, due to the Coronavirus, there is a strict no visitor policy in place at the hospital. Jeff will be with me in the delivery room for Christopher Willis but once he leaves the hospital, he is only permitted in again when picking me up…after the mandated 5 day recovery. I think in all of this, that is what makes me the most nervous especially because while the doctors speak English, the nurses don’t. Guess I’ll be living through google translate.
April 18, 2020 (email to family): As many of you know, we welcomed Christopher Willis Grimm to the world on April 7, 2020 or as the Europeans write it 7/4/2020 (Carson was born on Grandpa Dieter’s birthday so for me, the European way of writing the date is our little nod to Grammy Dieter).
Meet Baby Christopher
Thankfully the planned C-Section was/is much easier to recover from then the unplanned/emergency one with Carson. Christopher is 11 days old and I’m feeling much better this time around. Jeff, Carson, Christopher and I go on daily walks around the abandoned messe (convention center) near our house. We’ve even found a large, empty parking lot for Carson to run around. Being cooped up in the house is not great for a 2 year old with a ton of energy.
Giving birth in the time of Covid-19 and in Germany has definitely been interesting. Jeff was allowed into the delivery room for the C-Section but after about 3 hours in the recovery ward, he was kicked out and not allowed to visit. As you can see from one of the pictures, he and Carson visited but we could only wave from the windows. Additionally, I got to experience the very German way of eating and some extremely traditional German meals while in the hospital. For instance, breakfast and dinner are composed of the same things…2 pieces of bread, a pad of butter, 2 slices of deli meat & 2 slices of cheese. Lunch on the the other hand was usually some sort of gravy covered meat, a potato option, and white asparagus.
Hospital Visitors
I was originally slated to stay in the hospital for 5 days but with the virus, they want healthy moms and babies to go home as soon as possible. Luckily for us, that meant only 3 days in the hospital. In other words, Christopher and I have been home for a week and our family is slowly adjusting to being a family of 4. Carson is asserting her dominance/control over food and only requesting chocolate bunnies for every meal (thanks a lot Easter Bunny). Other then the occasional meltdown and additional screen time, she seems to like having a baby brother…so far. She likes to identify his nose, eyes, & ears and thinks he’s “cute.”
Grimm Party of 4
Speaking of Carson, she just had her 2nd birthday. As you can see by the pictures, she loves everything Elsa/Frozen. To say she is obsessed is an understatement. At this point she has seen Frozen I & II so many times that she repeats lines and can sing many of the words to the songs. Since all non-essential stores are closed in Germany, I tried my hand at making her an Elsa Barbie cake. I still have a lot to learn but think its pretty good for a first attempt and all from scratch. She loved it and that’s all that mattered.
Carson’s 2nd Birthday
I’m sure there are a million more things I could share but lack of sleep is preventing me from remembering. We would love to hear from you. Please email, call, Facetime, set up a Zoom. We miss you all and miss sharing this experience with you.
July 18, 2020: The time of COVID-19 is not over yet but because of Germany’s strict policies regarding social gatherings and mandatory mask wearing, we have mostly resumed normal daily life. Everyone is required to wear masks in stores and public places where social distancing is not possible. Yes, there are a few who protest the mask but for the most part Germans understand that in wearing the mask they are doing the most they can for the community. It is much less a “me” society and more of a “we” society in regards to COVID.
*I was not able to help with the birth and “push” because as the doctor put it “he was hiding”. But, they did drop the curtain so Jeff and I were able to see him for the first time at the same time.
*This took place in early February, before social distancing.
Great news, I’m not the only pregnant lady in the friend group! One of Jeff’s coworkers is expecting in early March. Like in every culture, there are traditions around the arrival of babies and baby showers in Germany. For one, they don’t do baby showers.
The belief is that its bad luck to celebrate a baby who isn’t in the world yet. Instead of showering the mother or couple with gifts BEFORE the baby is born, they wait until AFTER. Then everyone, on their own terms, visit the new baby and parents at the house where the new mother serves her guests beverages and cake. Yes, you read that correctly…the NEW MOTHER serves beverages and cake to the guests, who come whenever they want! Um…no.
Luckily for us, she allowed us to throw her one classic “American Style” baby shower!
Since the couple decided not to share the baby’s gender, we decided on a Woodland Animal theme. We also decided against some of the traditional baby games (How big is mom’s belly, What’s in the Diaper? because one is degrading and makes the mom feel like cr@p and the other is just gross) and instead played Baby Jeopardy, Guess the Gummy Bears, and a Diaper Raffle.
Juice bar, liquor bar, critter cookie thank yous, and a diaper cake!
Even the food was woodland critter themed.
One of the things I love about our expat family is that we are all in different walks of life and are all from different places. Some attendees to the shower are grandparents and have done this sort of thing numerous times while others are young professionals and this was their first time attending a baby shower. Needless to say, a good time was had by all. Baby Jeopardy was a huge success with categories including Baby Animals, Disney Movies, Baby Trivia, Things Found up a Toddler’s Nose, and Baby Babble. All teams were given a dry erase marker and board to provide their answers. I’m happy to report that the new parents team won!
Baby Jeopardy
Baby Jeopardy
Our gift to the soon-to-be new parents was a diaper cake & grooming kit. This was my first time making a diaper cake and it won’t be my last. It was fairly easy once I had all the supplies.
Diaper Cake: complete with swaddles to cover the top and bottom tiers, baby rattle, crinkle toy, stroller book, and sock, bib, hat & mitten flowers on top.
Look for the bare necessities, the simple bare necessities. Forget about your worries and your strife. I mean the bare necessities, old Mother Nature’s recipes that brings the bare necessities of life.
Have you ever heard of the peach and the coconut? Yeah, me neither…until the cultural training we had a week ago.
It is said that Americans are like peaches, soft. Americans tend to be extremely friendly, smile at strangers, offer personal anecdotes and are very helpful. Americans ask how you are doing and expect small talk in return. Americans say things like “we should grab coffee sometime.” But, just like the peach, American’s have a hard inner pit. They are extremely private and do what they can to protect themselves. So, while they say things like “we should grab coffee sometime,” it probably won’t happen.
It is said that Germans are like coconuts, hard. Germans do not appear to be friendly, do not smile at strangers and will not start a conversation with a stranger. It may take a few cracks, but with time the hard exterior eventually breaks and Germans become friendly and loyal friends. When Germans say “we should grab coffee sometime,” they will set the time and date. If you ask a German how they are doing, expect a lengthy answer on how they are actually doing, good or bad.
Upon first moving to Germany, I had an experience in which roles were reversed. I was the coconut moving through unfamiliar places with my hard outer shell. During a trip to the grocery store, I tried to get out of a vinegar tasting by saying I only spoke English. Unfortunately for me, the sales girl also spoke English. When she wasn’t completely sure about an English translation, she would ask the another woman who was also experiencing the vinegar tasting. The other woman was a bit older, in a wheelchair and knew the English translations right away. After the tasting, I went about my business and continued through the grocery store.
About 20 minutes later, I run into the other woman in one of the aisles. She proceeds to introduce herself, Barbara, and ask questions. Were we visiting? How long have we been in Germany? Would we be interested in having dinner at her house? Yes, you read that last question correctly. I was a little taken aback at this peach like behavior but said yes anyway. We exchanged phone numbers and went our separate ways. Before I had returned home, Barbara had already texted to set up a time and date…very German.
When Jeff got home from work, I told him all about my day…and how we would be going to a German couples house for dinner that Sunday. He, like you, had many questions about the whole situation. Where did I meet this woman? How did dinner become part of the conversation? Would we get murdered if we went? (Well, the last question may be a little extreme.) I finally convinced him it would either be a great time or a great story to tell later.
So…we went!
Barbara and her husband Dieter* were wonderful hosts. Barbara loves to cook and just wanted people/friends to cook for. She said that most of her recipes are for four to six people, so when she cooks, she ends up having too much food leftover. Barbara had prepared a four course meal and it was clear she spent a ton of time preparing for this dinner.
Their German apartment was completely decorated with an autumn theme; leaf plates, napkins, serving platters, etc. There were garlands of leaves hanging from the bookshelves and around the windows. Barbara, as we found out later, loves to decorate for the changing seasons and various holidays. She also loves collecting dinnerware and serving sets from the states.
Back to the four course meal…the first course was roasted pumpkin soup with crostini and pumpkin seeds on the side. The second course was salad with baby field greens, apples, cranberries, walnuts, and a balsamic vinegar dressing just like the vinegar we had tasted at the grocery store. The third course, the main course, was a millet salad with cranberries and pistachios and a veal and potato tagine dish with roasted vegetables. The fourth course consisted of a variety of fruit marinated in orange liqueur. Start to finish, our meal was spectacular! The conversation never stopped and was extremely rich with information, travel stories, a minor German history lesson and a lot of getting to know each other. Four and a half hours later and a diaper change in the middle of their living room, we were on our way home, talking about how wonderful the experience was and how we were glad we stepped out of our comfort zone to share in a dinner with Barbara and Dieter. (I’ve added links to recipes that are similar to what Barbara made).
*Side note: My middle name is/was Dieter. In my world, Dieter was my mother’s maiden name. While I knew that Dieter was a first name, usually assigned to boys, I have never met a Dieter…until now. Dieter, Barbara’s Dieter, thought it was hilarious that my middle name is/was Dieter. He explained that in Germany, boys were named traditional boy names and girls were named traditional girl names. Carson threw him off a bit because it is traditionally a boys name. He said that it has always been a bit shocking to him that American’s can name their babies whatever they want.
**I wish I had known Barbara and Dieter well enough at the time to take pictures. The dinner really was absolutely spectacular and should have been captured!
Yesterday was the first time I experienced a real sense of culture shock.
It doesn’t help that Carson has a cold and therefore is extremely grumpy, irritable and not sleeping well. It also doesn’t help that Jeff and I finally got our “Cultural Training” about how to live in Germany. During the training we were told that culture shock is like a roller coaster with highs and lows. Yesterday was definitely my low.
One of the things on my “To Do” List was to find a pediatrician for Carson. I was provided with the name, phone number and location of an English speaking pediatrician by two of our cultural specialists. Luckily for us, the doctor was less than a five minute walk away. As I wasn’t able to dial the German phone number (yes, I have since figured it out. Apparently one needs to drop a zero in the area code after dialing the country code.), we paid the good doctor a visit.
Talk about a failure! After waiting for half an hour, the receptionist didn’t speak any English*. Thankfully a mother of one of the patients waiting did. She helped translate. I was told that this particular pediatrician was not seeing new patients. When asked if there were any other English speaking pediatricians in the area, the receptionist just shrugged her shoulders. While I stayed composed, this wonderful mother, the same one who had helped me before, saw that I was upset and was able to provide me with the name, phone number and address of another English speaking pediatrician.
Defeated, Carson and I went home. After Instagram messaging with a friend from home, I got the courage to call the newly recommended pediatrician. Again, the receptionist didn’t speak English* but she tried. Success! Not only was this pediatrician taking new patients but I was able to set up Carson’s one year check up (the U6 as it’s known in Germany).
Most days are great. They are, for the most part, easy. Yesterday was not. I need to remind myself that while this has been an amazingly wonderful, once in a lifetime experience so far, I’ll have rough days too.
*Side note-I know I reside in Germany and German/Deutsch is the language spoken. With that being said, many people speak English. If they don’t speak English perfectly they say they only speak a little but in reality, they are mostly fluent and can carry a conversation. My German language instructor has told me that anyone under the age of 35 has probably had five or more years of English in school.
